Evening Personalities Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's prominent hosts devoted the airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday tune targeting the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins all he touches."

The focus was the new program which allows international citizens to buy U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "premium" tier for $5 million. The program's website pledges processing "in record time."

"A quick thought here to affluent applicants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to address prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.